Thoughts on a thriving life.
I'm choosing, once again, to break-up with fear.
Fear sneaks its way into my mind and heart in such innocent ways.
A small nudge here, a whisper over there and soon I stand petrified to walk any further.
I have a big decision to make.
Its a decision that I have been anticipating for awhile
but one that brings about a lot of change for me and for my two boys.
There are a lot of unknowns in this decision.
I will be choosing to let go of things that are comfortable and safe for an unfamiliar path.
As this decision becomes more of a reality,
I am coming face to face with the fear that is taking up residency in my heart.
Here's where fear really gets me.
I'm a rational thinker.
I think through decisions, way the risk, and asses the outcome.
I like the decisions where I can pretty much predict the result.
Often times this process produces very healthy decisions that
produce healthy outcomes for me and my family.
But not always. I was reminded this week of the quote,
"Courage does not follow rutted pathways."
I stumbled across this quote a few years ago and have often thought on its simple truth.
Living life wholeheartedly means embracing life with a courageous spirit.
It means living not in fear but embracing the bumps, ruts,
and sometimes dark shadows life brings our ways.
I have been challenged this week by the question...
"What would you choose if fear was not a part of the decision?"
If fear was out of the equation...
I'd jump in with both feet and experience it with all of my heart.
I would take the steps into the rutted and bumpy path rather than stay where its safe.
I would live the adventure with joy and I would rest in peace knowing I am right where I'm suppose to be, not dependent on myself but rather dependent upon the One who created me, knows the number of hairs on my head, and has promised me "beauty for ashes."
"I prayed to the Lord and He answered me,
freeing me from all my fears.
Those who look to him for help
will be radiant with joy;
No shadow of shame will darken their faces."
So once again, I'm breaking up with fear. I've done it before and I'm sure I'll do it again.
I'm going to be honest. The past 18 months of my life have been hard. Hard down to the deepest parts of my soul. My heart has grieved as my dream of life and family has been shifted and refined. There have been days that waking up and moving through the simple rhythms of the day have taken all my energy and focus.
Soon after the boys and I moved in my parents I was struck with the truth that even when life doesn't look like what I want it to, there are gifts in that place that must be recognized. Thankfulness is an act of recognition. By recognizing the gifts my heart overflows with hope and joy. Thankfulness has become a key daily rhythm for me and for my boys. It focus' me on what is working in my life and in my parenting.
Every other weekend my boys enjoy time with their dad. Honestly, its been difficult to fall into this new rhythm. Often I want to dwell on the negative...the moments I am missing every other weekend or the stress of arranging our life around this every other weekend schedule. When I do, my heart is heavy and the tears are always near the surface. It is my choice to recognize the gift or not... The gift of time to run without pressure of returning by a certain time, the gift of quiet moments in the morning to sleep, read and journal, and the joy and sweetness of the boy's sloppy kisses and wrestling loudness when they returned Sunday evening. I'm not saying that tears don't rise to the surfaces still but in my recognition of the gift I am able to smile through the tears.
Thoughts for this week...
"...you know more than you think."
The thought of trusting myself challenges me. So often I look to what society says or what my friend thinks I should do rather than trusting myself. The internet and blogs are teeming with suggestions. When I go there, I am bombarded with "The 3 Words that Will Stop Tantrums" or "Follow these 5 Steps and Your Child Will Be Doing All Their Chores with a Smile." Often I leave these postings feeling like a failure as a parent and at a loss because those three words did nothing to change my preschooler's tantrums and we are still battling over chores.
"Trust yourself, you know more than you think" reminds me that often the wisdom I need lies within. I was created to be my children's parents and when I take a moment to be quiet, my knowledge of what my children need rises to the surface. Knowing myself and knowing my children takes time and being intentional. It takes taking care of myself so that I can take care of those around me. For me, it slipping away in the quiet of the morning to run and clear my mind. It is ending the day writing in my journal. As I write, all of the thoughts, fears, and worries find their way onto the page where I can examine them more rationally and find the wisdom within. What do you do to quiet yourself so you can reach within to the wisdom that lies deep inside you?
Questions I am asking myself...
"What do I know to be true?"
"What does that truth look like for me and for my family?"
As a woman, mom, friend, and lover of Jesus, it is my desire to live present and wholeheartedly in each moment of my life. Daily Rhythms is full of thoughts, encouragement, parenting information, and my personal journey in living wholehearted in the daily rhythms of life.